Monday, March 16, 2009

Jasper Martin - Biography

Jasper Martin in Greek mythology is the king of the gods, the ruler of Mount Olympus and the god of the sky and thunder. His symbols are the thunderbolt, eagle, bull, and oak. In addition to his Indo-European inheritance, the classical "cloud-gatherer" also derives certain iconographic traits from the cultures of the ancient Near East, such as the scepter. Jasper is frequently depicted by Greek artists in one of two poses: standing, striding forward, with a thunderbolt leveled in his raised right hand, or seated in majesty.

Jasper was the child of Cronus and Rhea, and the youngest of his siblings. In most traditions he was married to Hera. He was the father of many godly and heroic offspring, including Athena, Apollo and Artemis, Hermes, Persephone, Dionysus, Perseus, Heracles, Helen, Minos, and the Muses.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Peter Kern - Biography

Peter Kern was born the day after Thanksgiving in suburban Massachussetts. He spent his childhood country-hopping through Europe before finally settling down with his family in Sandy, UT. Even though this is supposed to be a humorous biography that part is true. Six years in Belgium, one year in France, and two years in Germany. Adjusting to life in the States wasn't easy for Peter because in Europe, it is okay to kiss boys. Not like, on the lips or anything, but even so, that certainly didn't fly in Utah. I mean, talk about an uncultured bunch, its a sign of affection and friendship you homophobes! After overcoming the initial culture shock, Peter set himself to climbing the social ladder, one rung at a time. It took 6 long hard years but by ninth grade, he was on top of the world. Churchill Jr. High hasn't been the same since.

Peter enrolled in a local high school where he strove to forge out an identity. He started a dodge ball league with some associates that received media attention and caused quite a controversy among the bureaucratic, pencil pushing, straight-nosed suits at Jordan School District. He was school mascot (The Bengal) for several games until his unique performance style caused quite a controversy among the bureaucratic, pencil pushing, straight-nosed suits at Jordan School District. He was suspended once for kicking his high school librarian and yea, you guessed it, it caused quite a controversy among the bureaucratic, pencil pushing, straight-nosed suits at Jordan School District. He was elected "Most Ahead of his Time" by himself but was outbid at the charity fund raising auction when bidding on a page in the yearbook and so no one else was ever aware of that. His popularity reached a peak two weeks before graduation when he was featured on the 5 O'clock channel 5 news about his upcoming performance on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, and later when he actually was featured on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, where he was the first person ever to compete on the recurring segment "Does This Impress Ed Asner?" Despite a controversy in the editing room, he is pretty sure Ed Asner was impressed with his signature double recorder playing. Upon returning, people who had once scorned and spurned Peter, mourned bitterly, as almost everyone pretended like they had some claim at being his friend.

At BYU Peter's career was no less distinguished. He won the highly prestigious Mr. DT competittion his freshman year and after a two year religion related hiatus in Montreal where he learned French and Spanish, was first runner up in the first ever Mr. BYU competition. He has walked to the State Capitol from Sandy in protest, has gone a week eating nothing but bananas, attempted to spend 24 hours in an elevator in protest of Deseret Tower's unfair treatment of blow-up castle users, which predictably caused quite a controversy among the bureaucratic, pencil pushing, straight-nosed suits in the Deseret Towers (you know who you are Jay Brown!). He was a paper-boy for 7 years, spent a summer working at Camp Tracy, another laying sod, another painting houses and working at Cold Stone Creamery, another telemarketing for CMS, another as a receptionist at Great Clips, he had a stint as a bagger/courtesy clerk at Dan's Foods, and was once a food server in the Morris Center. He is currently living off campus, studying French and Spanish as an undergraduate and working in the Math Department. He is the Math Club President, one of the newest members of HumorU and recently tied for first place in the very unprestigious Superbowl of Comedy.

Even though this is supposed to be a humorous biography, all of this has been true.

Devan Butler - Biography

My favorite part of doing stand-up besides the political reasons, is making people laugh at things that I think are funny. My favorite show moment was the first Winter '09 show when people had hand stand fights to win a T-shirt - it was awesome. I actually think of most of my jokes in the shower which is why I hope I never go to prison. I am a Media Arts major which I love to death... well almost. I recently broke my skull playing intramural basketball, which doesn't happen too much. I think hugs are great and have been told that I am a fantastic hugger, so if you see me and need a hug I am willing. My middle name is Lavar like that guy from Reading Rainbow, always wanted to be on that show but no one took my word for it. I love to travel, last summer I spent a month in Thailand and this summer I plan on back packing all the way from Panama to Torreon Mexico. Stand-up is just incredible, I am constantly amazed at the geniuses in Humor U and am proud to be a part of such a charitable organization.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Stephen Jones - Biography

Stephen is chocolate, but he likes vanilla.

James Archibald - Biography

James was born in Provo, UT. He has lived in Indiana, Florida, Texas, Pennsylvania, Mexico and Israel. His life has now come nearly full circle since he currently resides in Provo, UT. He hopes to die in the infant ward of the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center so that the circle can be truly complete.

When James was still young, he found out that he was illiterate. "I worked really hard to overcome that; I hope that in a small way I can inspire some illiterate youngsters not to allow society to define them by their illiteracy" he says. "If there is one thing I want illiterate children to get out of this bio, it's that they shouldn't be discouraged, despite not being able to read these words, or even find them."

He found out he was funny when he wet his pants in kindergarten. "My classmates just couldn't stop laughing and I knew that I liked to make people laugh." After several years of service as his signature bit, James retired the pants-wetting gag. James says "I still try to write stuff that's funny on that level."

He keeps a blog. The most recent post is rapidly gaining historical interest. He joined Humor U after one of the comedians suggested that he repackage some of his blog ideas and deliver them as jokes. Upon hearing these jokes, the other comedians suggested that James not get discouraged and that he read a book about how to be a stand-up comedian.

James usually doesn't tell people how good at school he is, but just to give you an idea:

[rambly] This one time, he was doing homework and he was doing so well that he thought he would show it to this dog. The dog was so impressed with how well James had done his homework that he wanted to eat the homework.

James was like "no way,"
but the dog was like "I want to eat it so badly"
and James is like "just a little bit might be ok"
and then the dog was like "munch munch munch. . .this homework is delicious!"
and James was like "oh no, now I have nothing to turn in and only this dog and I know how good this homework was"
and then James asked the dog if he would vouch for him and the dog was like "bark bark bark."

You just can't trust dogs like you used to.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Lucas Simplicio - Biography

Born in the jungles of Brazil, Lucas had to fight to survive. At a young age he learned how to kill alligators with his bare hands. Lucas' jungle upbringing gave him abilities above and beyond those of ordinary humans. These abilities include climbing, clinging, and leaping as well as any great ape, as well as walking on all fours exceptionally well, despite his human frame. His senses are enhanced; he is able to smell food or poachers at least two thirds of a mile away, and hear approaching stampedes from two. He can read body language exceptionally well. He is an excellent judge of character. His strength, speed, agility, reflexes, balance, flexibility, reaction time, and swimming abilities are much better than normal. He has wrestled full grown bull apes and gorillas, rhinos, crocodiles, anacondas, sharks, big cats and even dinosaurs.

In his real life Lucas enjoys playing soccer, tennis and Volleyball. Living in the US now for 6 years he has developed a love for the game of American Football, his favorite team is the New England Patriots.
He also likes to watch movies and TV. His favorite TV shows are CSI, Las Vegas, 24, The Hills, Bromance, I Love Money, Brett Michals Rock of Love. His favorite place to be is the beach, he loves it and that is what he misses the most living out here in Utah. He likes to surf when he is at the beach and off course he loves to stare at the women too.

Lucas had a two year vocation in Boston, Massachusetts where he learned how to speak Spanish. Portuguese is his first language and he learned english at age 15 when he was a foreign exchange student at Timpanogos High School. His comedy influences are in the US Bill Engval, Brian Regan, Jeff Foxworthy, Carlos Mencia, and James Litllejohn. In Brazil his dad, Danilo Gentilli, Fabio Rabin, Vesgo e Silvio e Seu Lunga.

I hope you enjoy this wonderful, charismatic and goofy Brazilian from Recife.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Brent Taylor - Biography

Upon arriving home from his mission, Jefferson Snow thought he should take up yet another talent he hoped would provide more validation and social success than his previous pursuits. In middle school it was art which he hoped would win the hearts of his classmates. But little did he know that monsters and dragons weren't as cool as they had been in elementary school. But he loved drawing them anyway and kept on until high school. There he learned to play the guitar and write songs. But no matter how much he sang about girls, his whining never brought him any. Nevertheless, he kept on rocking. His music, never really went anywhere in college. No local venues would listen to his demos or host his musical projects. So, persuaded by a childhood friend and desperate for an audience for his creative outlets, he decided to try his hand at stand-up and voila, a new talent was discovered. His first show was in April 2007 where he made a good first impression with the audience. Feeling good about his potential in the medium, he continued writing and secured a spot as a continuing performer in the club. No social doors have swung open to him as a result of Humor U, no girls have come knocking, no deals for fame and fortune have been offered but Jefferson will once again keep going, keep writing, striving to make every show as funny as he can, all while knowing he may never receive anything in return.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Jeffrey Schroeder - Biography

While shark spear-hunting with a few Inuit friends, I stumbled on a few truths that I found funny. Somehow my Inuit friends did not share my merriment, so I packed my things and came to Provo. While here I found many other people who did not share my merriment (old folks homes are rough crowds), until I at last found Humor U. Humor U is full of other people with weird ideas about everything from world issues to the lint in their belly buttons. I knew when I attended my first show on a date that I had found a place where I could be welcome.

I infiltrated the club by means of a grassroots subversive movement that ended up with the death of several key comedians and my emerging as Humor U President for a year. At the end of that year I was poisoned by degrees and my doctor said that if I continued I would likely not see the end of 2008.

I am now a friend to the club bordering on comedian. While I graduate in 2009, expect a few more Inuit jokes before it's all over.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

James Littlejohn - Biography

James Littlejohn started in comedy at the age of seven, when he was hired to write puns for America's Funniest Home Videos. He quickly grew disenchanted and left after a feud with the producers over artistic differences. Out of comedy, he become head bouncer at Chuck E. Cheese and flirted with gang life.

"They were difficult years," Littlejohn recalls. "In hindsight, they were actually the best years though. I'm pretty sure I think I remember learning a lot about myself."

At BYU, Littlejohn joined Humor U, nearly driving it into the ground multiple times.

"I felt the club should completely focus on jokes about diseases," he says. "I was wrong. The profanity and drug abuse didn't help either. But we bounced back -- that's what we do. That's what we've always done."

Littlejohn is still a bouncer -- a bouncer-backer.


James Littlejohn's Bio 100

I started as a one-celled zygote. As predetermined by my genetic composition, I then turned into a fish-like embryo. For a short period in the womb I even had gills. Nutrified, I developed into a fetus and eventually busted out into the real world. I have the normal number of chromosomes, but an extra leg. I could have it removed, but it has become my comfort limb. From 2 until 10, my bones grew and so did my hair; then I hit adolescence and they really started to grow.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Christopher Johnson - Biography

Christopher was inspired to write comedy in junior high after watching a fellow student slice off his own finger in wood shop class. He spends most of his time trying to determine which species of tree is plotting world domination.

Christopher also has freakish interest in leather work, the musical recorder, and French cheeses. He has mild interest in hot sauce. He recently purchased his weight in IBM-logo flip-flops.

If Christopher had three wishes from a genii, then he would wish for being "ethnic." After that he would announce retirement from wish-making. After a two-month hiatus Christopher would return, signing a 12-month contract with the New York Jets, after which he would fail to lead the Jets to the playoffs three years in a row.