Saturday, February 28, 2009

Nathan Tate - Biography

Nate Tate was one of the VERY few people to be in attendance at the very first Humor U club meeting and perform at the very first Humor U show. Someday he'll speak at firesides and talk about how he remembers how it all started. Elder Tate is currently serving a mission in Argentina. He is very excited to return in glory to BYU and start dating all his Humor U groupies who are so anxious for him to reach RM status.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Tanner Kay - Biography

Tanner Kay is probably somebody's favorite comedian, but we haven't figured out who yet because they won't admit to it. He told his first joke in Primary as a Sunbeam. It made the kid next to him laugh, and began over a decade of getting kicked out of Primary and Sunday school. While many people are amused by Tanner's humor, he's usually the only one laughing at his own jokes. On an occassion, Tanner laughed so hard at his own joke that he shot a pea AND a carrot out of his nose. Needless to say his doctor does not approve of his participation in this club.

But don't be fooled by his funny moments, Tanner has a super grumpy alter ego that he developed in college named Church Boy - probably a backlash from his irreverent youth. Church Boy doesn't tolerate laughing, smiling, or anything fun. If you like to pass notes in Sunday School - watch out! Church Boy will burn you with his laser beam look of scorn. This is probably why he isn't married.

One really hot August day on a roadtrip through southern Utah Tanner dreamed up a crazy idea to start a stand-up comedy club at BYU. He was obviously suffering from heat stroke and severe dehydration. But an amazing thing happened, and out of nothing more than boredom, southern Utah heat, and too much free time - Humor U was born.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

If you get low like Flo-Rida. . .

Jasper told a joke and I now complete it 25 different ways:

I am going to celebrate good times like Kool and the Gang.

I am going to live and let die like Paul McCartney.

I am going to dislike your girlfriend like Avril Lavigne.

I am going to refuse to attend rehab like Amy Winehouse.

I am going to [inaudible] like Jimmy Eat World.

I am going to crave your body like the guy who sings James Littlejohn's signature intro music.

I am going to clean the house, and shop at the store so I won’t have to work until Monday like abnormally conscientious primary children.

I am going to [inaudible, but with subtitles] like Weird Al doing a parody of Nirvana.

I am going to make a joke about BYU students getting engaged after a brief courtship like Divine Comedy.

i am going to stop using capitalization like e. e. cummings.

I am going to brush my clothes, shine my shoes, trim my nails, and shampoo my hair so I can be ready for Sunday like primary children who subscribe to an ultra-orthodox, near-Pharisaical view of appropriate Sabbath activities.

I am going to assault you with technically impressive riffs in bizarre time signatures that are impenetrable, esoteric and exhausting like Dream Theater.

I am going to make another joke about BYU students getting engaged after a brief courtship like Divine Comedy.

I am going to learn more and more about responsibility and let you put the blame on me like Akon even though I should note that actually the blame should be on you, the management of club Zen, the father of that young girl, Verizon wireless, . . .

I am going to crack a joke about emo like everyone who doesn't like emo.

I am going to mourn the loss of my dog like country musicians in that other joke Jasper tells.

I am going to make music that is historically significant but impossible to enjoy like Schoenberg.

Within a day or two I'm gonna track you down and pull a [censored] [censored]. Ain't no place you [censored] can hide. . . like MJG.

I am going to have romantic feelings for a person like. . .c'mon you know the song?

I am going to refer to Divine Comedy one more time because I am envious of their name recognition and the overall strength of their brand like Humor U.

i m going 2 stop using standard english like all modern, young americans.

I am going to suggest that light is quantized, explain the photo-electric effect, develop special and general relativity, propose experiments to verify these theories, explain Brownian motion, invent widely-accepted notations, make major contributions to quantum statistical mechanics, become an effective advocate of various causes and become a world-renowned celebrity-scientist whose name is synonymous with brilliance like Einstein.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Too Many Resolutioners

So I went to the gym the first week after the holiday break, there was a sea of people - most of them there for the same reason as me, because of a new years resolution. Who am I kidding? I'm not going to be here in March. I got on the treadmill and it scrolled a message to me, "You weren't here in December. The guy waiting behind you was. Get off." I guess the gym figured out that the other resolutioners and I are only gonna be here for a month to inconvenience everyone else. I'm kind of glad, now I don't have to come up with an excuse in March.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Humor U is cool

I love Humor U.  I feel like it is a real club, like the way a club should be.  Where all the members know, respect and love each other, you enjoy doing things together, and you look forward to getting together on Wednesdays to comedy jam.  Last weekend was a blast.  I hope we keep doing things that way, even though I got a ticket that I am hoping Humor U will pay for.  Thanks to everyone who came out to support and to all my brothers getting on the mic, you rock!  I love you all.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Tickets for Tonight

Lots of people are asking. So here is the deal. There are 50 tickets left for the 9:30 show and they will go on sale in front of the Varsity Theater at 7:00pm tonight. So come early to get a ticket and then come back later for the 9:30 show. We don't know how fast they will sell out, but they will.

Governorship of California---So Easy, Even a Barbarian Can Do it

Thursday, February 5, 2009

4th Show Added - Sat at 9:30 in the Varsity

So many people wanted to come we had to add a 4th show. All our comedians will be extra sexy in the 4th show - it's Saturday night! Tickets are available now at the Info Desk.