Friday, January 23, 2009

Feb 6th and 7th

More regular than a grandma on Metamucil - right on schedule Humor U puts out another high fiber show:

8:00 and 9:30 in the MSRB on Friday
8:00 in the VARTH on Saturday

Don't miss James Archibald's amazing feat of telling 30 one liners in a row while handcuffed and suspended upside down underwater.

"We are so vogue" - Brent Taylor

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

My 2nd missed Humor U rehearsal

I missed Humor U rehearsal tonight. Last week it was due to a work meeting. This week it was due to homework, and then I realized that I have joined the ranks of the other Humor U alumni--I no longer "miss" rehearsals, I simply don't go anymore. Not that I don't miss being there, I'm just saying no one expects people who don't go to rehearsals to go.

Anyway, for those alumni we have out there, let us close our eyes just for a moment Wednesdays at 8pm and exude comedy thoughts out towards Provo in that little Maeser room.

Viva la Humor U.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Bail Me Out

I have problems. One of which is that my car is American, or actually that is isn't. Last week my girlfriend, who happens to speak French, informed me that Mazdas are foreign cars; in fact, they are Asian. This doesn't just explain the leg-room, it hurts my patriotism. You see, I buy American. I plow in a John Deere, eat breakfast at Taco Bell and prefer Freedom Waffles to the Belgian version.

I hear the Auto Industry is about to collapse, which will have far-reaching consequences including a decline in home attendance at Detroit Red Wings games. I'm as much to blame as anyone -- I should have seen through the Mazda dealer's deceptive dealership placement (in America) and realized it wasn't an American machine. My tax money should help and so should yours.

Let me get something straight, I don't support this simply because I don't pay taxes -- I support this because I believe in poorly managed American business. I am involved in a number of them myself.

For example, we should give more attention to struggling pyramid schemes. As the unemployment rate has risen, the pyramids have flattened. I'm bleeding, and the revolutionary hand-sanitizer I can provide associates at wholesale prices can't help because, as the instructions state, it should never be used on open-wounds. I'm in a freaking money pit, and it's not my fault -- the product is great, the price is great, and the sales tactics are ethical. The Asian and European pyramid schemes are simply out-performing my own. Even I admit that they may be better; it's that simple. Egyptians -of all people- have cornered the pyramid market, successfully dominated the miracle-juice segment with "Nile-Magic." It's a very fine product. And now I need a miracle to stay afloat to sell my juice and sanitizer stuff. Frankly, the only reliable miracle source I can find is that "Nile-Magic" so I keep buying it -- but it isn't helping me compete.

I'd like to be reimbursed. How can I be expected to compete with other products when they are better than my own?

Bail Me Out. Only then, can I start to bail out America.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

If You Cry About Letters, Never Watch Sesame Street

I know I can be a little bit abrasive sometimes, but I don't really feel bad for making a girl at the copy center cry the other day. She confronted me while I was printing fliers for a show. She was upset about the use of the letter "U" in our club name. She made a point of telling me in an "I know with every fiber of my being" kind of tone, that she had a lot of school spirit, and so she would NEVER use the letter "U" in the name of anything. She must have been a freshman because she obviously hasn't learned to spell BY"U" yet. She informed me that the University of Utah has a "U" in it's name, therefore BYU must avoid all use of the letter "U" in order to prevent being identified as a Ute lover and an apostate. Wow! This girl needs more homework if she has enough time to worry about stuff like this, and also to help her learn to spell acronyms like BYU.

In case you aren't familiar with what a double entendre is - "Humor U" is an example. The "U" has two meanings. First, you, as in "humor you". Second, university, as in "humor university".