Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Premises that never made it

Devan here. Let's start with the obvious how much I love you all. I have been doing stand-up comedy since 2007. What a ride it has been. For those of you who know me this should not be a surprise, there are some joke premises I have never been able to perform at BYU. My post here is going to list my favorite joke premises I either never developed or was not permitted to perform at BYU. Give me your feedback I would love to hear your favorites or how you think a premise should go. Who knows you may give me the inspiration to perform it in the next show. I am going through 4 years of notes here so these premises will be all over the place. Here you go...

-How I try to base my life around the Rocky movies. Want to propose at the zoo in front of the tigers.
-Wake up and forget I have a bellybutton, think its an injury
-How walking is America's favorite exercise... How lazy & pathetic
-Overweight nutrition teacher gave me a C?
-I would do anything for love, but I won't do crack.
-Only allergy is to allergy medicine
-I go to an exercise class that is 1/2 hour of abs, or marriage prep as I call it.
-How preventing gay marriage is actually preserving the gay culture.
-Think of most my jokes in the shower, which is why I hope I never go to prison.
- Learn to tap dance solely to one up people when I am losing an argument.
-Eienstein wasn't that smart, just didn't know how to take an insult, great job Eienstein...
-Favorite song to kiss to is the Jurassic Park theme song.
-Love it when they have foam soap in restrooms, washing hands was a good idea.
- Character, the infertile polygamist.
-Went to McDonalds in Mexico... All employee' s were white.
-Hugging the wrong mom as a kid.
-Character, the lavish Jew
-Character, heath conscious 4 year old.
-They should put more picnic benches in cemeteries.
-Wasted the money I was saving on Lasik eye surgery on an HDTV.
-Things Bob Barker taught me, (how he breeds purebred greyhounds)
- When Russians or Middle Easterns speak in their language then speak English with a British accent.
-Home schooled at a homeless shelter.

So there you go. If you are still reading I congratulate you and look forward to your comments.
Much love,
Devan Lavar Butler