Humor U

Death From Above

2011-09-12T22:19:00.003-06:00

The last post about giant death eagles really concerned me and started an intense youtube research project on killer eagles. From what I can discern, it seems that we have a lot to fear. Here is a video of a golden eagle picking up full-grown mountain goats and dropping them off cliffs, seemingly for HIS OWN AMUSEMENT.

Also, they may be learning how to cook their food. In case there are squeamish people who like deer that read our blog, I wont post the link, but if you are interested, you can google "eagle drops deer on powerlines."

WHAT THE HECK EAGLES?!

Oh, also we're having 3 shows this Friday night at 7, 8:30 and 10pm.

IF EAGLES HAVENT EATEN US ALL BY THEN

Yeah, No Big Deal, Just GIANT DEATH EAGLES

2011-09-02T14:17:00.000-06:00

As if you didn't have enough to worry about, there are giant sea eagles roaming around Scotland, who even knows, they may be stupid enough to eat kids.

Golden Ticket

2011-04-03T19:30:00.001-06:00

So we want to thank our fans who have supported us for the last 5 years. And what better way to thank your supporters than give them free stuff? If your ticket has a Humor U stamp on the back of it, bring it to 116 of the Brimhall Building and get a free Humor U T-shirt. You can do whatever you want with your T-shirt... you can put it on right then, wear it during the week to let people know about the show, wear it to the show, or even burn it in effigy. We support your first amendment rights.

Tickets on sale at the Wilk info desk.

Future traffic--you read it here first

2011-03-30T12:48:00.003-06:00

Hello.

I heard there was going to be a lot of blog traffic once Humor U announces that information about fan contests will be found on the blog.

I'd like our reading public to know that I plan to post after those traffic-generating posts are made. Nothing helps people read your post like having to scroll through the whole thing to get to the information they want.

That is my plan. You are my victim. This is my last obscure post.

Rare Poem

2011-03-29T22:50:00.001-06:00

Anonymous is a mystery to all of us. Very little is known of his (or her) origins or history. All that is known is that Anonymous is nothing short of the most brilliant poet in history. We were lucky enough to procure this poem when a good friend was rummaging through his sister’s old high school backpack. Through unknown means, these handwritten poems, written by Anonymous, made their way into her old English notebook. They are quite unlike any other poems written by Anonymous, but who are we to question one of the greatest writers ever.

Hey Megan
by Anonymous

Hey Megan,
What happened last weekend? I thought you and Eric were hitting it off.
Are you still mad about the conversation at Mcdonald’s last week? For the last time, we were both kidding.
Besides, it’s not like Tammy even knows [much] about soccer anyway. And you’re way more popular than she’ll ever be.
Hello!?! Fat thighs! Anyway, call me QT.
XOXO

Premises that never made it

2011-03-29T12:25:00.002-06:00

Devan here. Let's start with the obvious how much I love you all. I have been doing stand-up comedy since 2007. What a ride it has been. For those of you who know me this should not be a surprise, there are some joke premises I have never been able to perform at BYU. My post here is going to list my favorite joke premises I either never developed or was not permitted to perform at BYU. Give me your feedback I would love to hear your favorites or how you think a premise should go. Who knows you may give me the inspiration to perform it in the next show. I am going through 4 years of notes here so these premises will be all over the place. Here you go...

-How I try to base my life around the Rocky movies. Want to propose at the zoo in front of the tigers.
-Wake up and forget I have a bellybutton, think its an injury
-How walking is America's favorite exercise... How lazy & pathetic
-Overweight nutrition teacher gave me a C?
-I would do anything for love, but I won't do crack.
-Only allergy is to allergy medicine
-I go to an exercise class that is 1/2 hour of abs, or marriage prep as I call it.
-How preventing gay marriage is actually preserving the gay culture.
-Think of most my jokes in the shower, which is why I hope I never go to prison.
- Learn to tap dance solely to one up people when I am losing an argument.
-Eienstein wasn't that smart, just didn't know how to take an insult, great job Eienstein...
-Favorite song to kiss to is the Jurassic Park theme song.
-Love it when they have foam soap in restrooms, washing hands was a good idea.
- Character, the infertile polygamist.
-Went to McDonalds in Mexico... All employee' s were white.
-Hugging the wrong mom as a kid.
-Character, the lavish Jew
-Character, heath conscious 4 year old.
-They should put more picnic benches in cemeteries.
-Wasted the money I was saving on Lasik eye surgery on an HDTV.
-Things Bob Barker taught me, (how he breeds purebred greyhounds)
- When Russians or Middle Easterns speak in their language then speak English with a British accent.
-Home schooled at a homeless shelter.

So there you go. If you are still reading I congratulate you and look forward to your comments.
Much love,
Devan Lavar Butler

Do You Ever Feel Like A Plastic Bag?

2011-03-29T10:35:00.002-06:00

Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?

Please answer in the comments. We are conducting a focus group for Katy Perry's songwriters.

April Show

2011-03-28T16:44:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone, Kyle Jepson here--ya know, one of the married people Josh was just ranting about. Anyway, this is my last semester at BYU (not because I got married: I'm graduating in about a month), so our show on April 9th will probably be my last. Ya see, we here at HumorU have had several long hearts-to-hearts, and we've decided that alumni should probably move on to make room for the up-and-coming BYU comedians. We had an open mic night last week, and it was pretty fantastic, so you should definitely come to this show: it'll be the last for some of us and a first for others and a rockin' awesome this-stuff-just-keeps-getting-better show for everyone in the middle. So come check it out. April 9th. April 9th. APRIL 9TH! Tickets at the Wilk info desk next week. Tell your friends.

so i'm just a little bitter...

2011-03-28T15:04:00.001-06:00

So there was this one time I was in this comedy group... and it was cool because we were like a large group of eligible bachelors... with a couple of girls interspersed. It was fun, people would like us from afar, sometimes joke about wanting to go on dates with us, etc. We even had a funny, single, black guy.... I mean we were the cool kids.

Well it turns out that I was right. We were the cool kids... in fact everyone was so cool they got into a relationship. Like everyone. Except for me. And Garren. But even if you look at his facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=677207467 he is still a very attractive man.

At first there were a few marriages... and I was supportive. Then there were engagements, and I felt a little uneasy. Then there were other relationships, and I started getting bitter. And then there was straight up intra club relationships... and I was like, is that even allowed?

I used to think we were a big family.... but then i realized instead of being the Walton's we were more like Modern Family. With me and Garren ending up living together in an Honor Code appropriate way. Maybe we'll adopt an Asian baby.

I know, it's a pointless rant, but at least I got to be on the flyer.

Open-mic Instructions

2010-09-10T00:24:00.002-06:00

READ EVERYTHING HERE FOR RULES, INSTRUCTIONS, AND TIPS FOR THIS EVENT:
Stand-up comedy is hard! But that is what makes it so exciting. If you have ever dreamed of doing it, or if your friends are encouraging you to, or if you are looking for a challenge, then you shoud perform at one of Humor U's Open-mics held four times a year.

If you perform at one of Humor U's Open-mics and you do really well, we will invite you to perform in... one of our "Green Spots" at our regular shows, and that could then result in being invited to be a full Humor U cast member. But Open-mic is the first step. Below are rules, instructions, and tips. If you are serious about doing stand-up comedy and you want to be a performer in Humor U - make sure to read everything here very carefully and then email us at humoru@byu.edu if you have any questions.

Rules:
1. You must be a BYU student, staff, alumni, or spouse of one of these to qualify to perform at Open-mic.
2. Your material/jokes must be clean and appropriate for family audiences. (if you don't know what is or isn't appropriate for family audiences, see "Bonus Tips" below)
3. You will not be allowed to use the tec podium for any multimedia. This means you can't project anything and that you can't play audio through the tec podium.
4. No one may assist you or be on stage with you during your performance. You must be completely solo.
5. Inappropriate language, actions, or subject matter will get you escorted off the stage immediately. Humor U may end your set at any time for any reason. (to avoid this from happening to you see "Bonus Tips" below).
6. All material must be original. Plagiarism will not be tolerated.

Instructions:
1. RSVP to this event.
2. Write a set. (see "Tips" below)
3. Arrive early to fill our an Information Sheet and get on the list to perform. If you don't arrive early enough you may not get the opportunity to perform.
4. Turn your fully completed Information Sheet in to get on the list.
5. When you name is called come to the stage immediately and begin your set - do not wait for a signal to begin.
6. Stop talking and sit down before the timer hits three minutes.

Tips:
1. Come to one of our shows (go to humoru.org for show dates and ticket info) or watch our YouTube clips to see how it's done: http://www.youtube.com/user/theofficialHumorU
2. Write a set.
3. Brace Yourself.
4. Ask a critical person for feedback on your set and make changes to improve your set.
5. Time your set and cut out as much as you need to to be under 3 minutes.
6. Rehearse your set in front of as many people as possible.
7. Ask the people you rehearsed in front of to give you critical feedback on your set.
8. Cut, replace, or rewrite anything from your set that isn't funny or that is a waste of time. If you go more than 20 seconds without getting a laugh - you have had a failure.
9. Repeat steps 4-8 as many times as you want, or until there isn't anything left in your set that isn't funny.
10. If you didn't repeat steps 4-8 until there wasn't anything unfunny left in your set - cut all the unfunny things from your set, even if it leaves you with less than 3 minutes.
11. If you are serious about becoming a Humor U comedian and want to impress us, don't include any jokes or material in your set that references anything specific about BYU or LDS culture.
12. Another thing if you are serious about impressing us, try to cover at least three different premises so that you can demonstrate your ability to write about different subjects.
12. If you want to hit it out of the park when you perform at Open-mic - come to one of our regular club meetings to check out the club and get a feel for how things work. If time permits in a club meeting you can perform material that you plan to use for an open-mic and we will give you feedback to help you polish it up. Club meetings are Wednesdays at 8:00pm in the MSRB.
13. Follow all instructions. If you don't follow all instructions here or additional instructions at the Open-mic we will be very unimpressed.

Bonus Tips:
Humor U does not keep a list or document of “Things You Can’t Say”. But here are some principles and guidelines that will help you to be successful.

Gospel principles are the foundation of successful joke writing and performances. Humor U shows are regularly attended by church leaders, university officials, and audience members of all ages.

Never offend. Never be crude, crass, vulgar, racist, bigoted, mean spirited, insulting, belittling, accusatory, etc. Anything inappropriate for a family audience has no place in Humor U. One sour note in a set can lose your trust with the audience that may spoil your performance beyond recovery. Self-censor first, and when it doubt – leave it out. If your material is questionable – write a better joke. There is an infinite amount of good jokes to be written, don’t waste time with the bad.

Never, in any way, say or suggest to the audience that they are unintelligent or prudish because they did not react the way you wanted them to. The burden of getting the audience to react favorably to your performance is entirely on you. You do not get to decide what is funny or entertaining; the audience holds that privilege exclusively. If you blame the audience for anything (any way, any time) they will turn on you. It is essential when writing jokes to imagine yourself as an average member of our audience in order to understand how they will react.

Humor U audiences are some of the most forgiving and gracious you will ever perform for. Never take advantage of this. Learn to tell the difference between an audience’s genuine laughter and awkward/uncomfortable responses.

Sacred things must never be made light of, although circumstances surrounding sacred things are different. General Authorities should always be referred to by their proper titles.

Derivatives of curse words should not be used. Words such as "crap" or "suck" should not be used, instead use higher language.

Subjects that generally are unworkable for joke material: sex, bowel movements, polygamy, cross-dressing, same gender attraction, and disabilities.

Internt Celebs Get Own Show

2010-09-03T13:13:00.002-06:00

(the following article was written as part of a guerrilla marketing campaign to run in the Daily Universe, but their editorial board vetoed it because it sounded too real):

by Pete Kern and Matt Stringham

LOS ANGELES – The Fox network announced yesterday a new ground-breaking reality television show based on the lives of so-called internet celebrities. With one-time ratings juggernaut American Idol seeing its viewership decline in recent years (and with the departure of judge Simon Cowell from the show), Fox executives are hopeful that bringing already well-known YouTube video personalities to the television screen will help boost the network’s sagging numbers. Among those celebrities already announced for the as-yet untitled show are the double-rainbow dude, the Russian Trololo guy, and BYU student Stephen Jones, famous for his dead-on impression of Old Spice pitchman Isaiah Mustafa.

“It’s kind of a mix between ‘The Real World’ and ‘Last Comic Standing’ with a little bit of ‘Lost” thrown into the mix” said Bob Saget, the show’s host and executive producer. Saget is familiar with the fame that can come when obscure videos are given a wider audience, having hosted “America’s FunniestHome Videos” on ABC from 1989 to 1997.

The show will follow the celebrity as they live together in a sprawling Miami mansion while competing to make the next hit YouTube video. Each week the cast member whose video receives the lowest number of views will be sent home, with the winner receiving his or her own future reality show. Jones is the odds-on favorite to win the program but has tough competition from fellow cast members keyboard cat, Susan Boyle, and the woman who fell down while stomping grapes on a live news broadcast. The show already faces legal action from The Star Wars Kid, who claims producers purposely did not invite him to participate.

The History of Humor U - Chapter 2

2010-07-20T17:38:00.003-06:00

So the BYU student that started Humor U was Tanner Kay. He chartered a new student club on campus and decided to call it Humor U. He had two friends at BYU who he had seen do stand-up comedy before and so he asked them to join his club. They did. One was a seminary teacher, the other was a Muslim from Gaza (yes, he was a BYU student). Tanner made some super dorky fliers with clip art and distributed them on campus. Amazingly, fifty people showed up and paid two whole dollars to get into the show. Tanner was the very first Humor U act and performer ever. The show netted $13 after expenses, which must have been a lucky number. Because 100 people came to the next show, and the one after that sold out. Ever since then Humor U has been adding more and more shows in larger and larger venues and selling out all along the way. Humor U has been an explosive roller coaster ride of success. Humor U attracted the funniest students at BYU who are brilliant comedy writers and performers. Over two dozen comedians make up the cast and they win recognition and notoriety more and more all the time. Everyone at BYU hasn't noticed yet, but now the world has. With tens of thousands of YouTube hits from around the world, Humor U just keeps growing and growing. We hope you can make it to the next show or see us online at our YouTube channel.

Humor U Diversity

2010-07-19T22:59:00.002-06:00

People always comment on how diverse Humor U is. They ask us if we have quotas. The truth is we don't. We're just accidentally diverse. Humor U attracts all kinds of funny BYU students from very diverse backgrounds. By percentage, Humor U is the most diverse organization at BYU. We pride ourselves in having two black students, a Mexican, a Brazilian, a white guy w/ a Mexican name, an Asian, a Jew, and a Muslim. How does that help our writing? You wouldn't believe. Sometimes our writing meetings turn into the model UN. We don't go recruiting minorities, they just find us. I guess Caucasian people just aren't as funny, but we have plenty of them too.

Stephen Jones - New Spice video

2010-07-16T01:08:00.001-06:00

Check out Stephen Jones' HUGE viral video. Click here. Stephen Jones is a stand-up comedian in Humor U, BYU Stand-up Comedy.

The History of Humor U

2010-07-04T03:23:00.002-06:00

Chapter 1
In the summer of 2006, one particular BYU graduate student was suffering from extreme boredom. He was so desperate for something to do that he dreamed up a crazy idea of starting a stand-up comedy club at BYU. This was impossible. The BYU administration would never let that happen. Stand-up comedy is all dirty and there is no way that BYU with it's overly sanitized performance groups that squeaked when they smiled, would ever allow a supposed art form of filth and sleaze on campus. But this crazed student wasn't deterred by the threatening obstacle of bureaucracy and suffocating tradition. Instead he march right into the offices at BYU and announced his intentions - comforted by the boredom that had been numbing his mind all year. (more to come)

Bryson Kearl - "Party Mascots"

2010-07-04T03:22:00.000-06:00

click here

Stephen Jones - "DDR"

2010-06-26T16:17:00.000-06:00

See Stephen's video here.

Katie White - "More of a Girl Than Me"

2010-06-26T16:16:00.000-06:00

Watch Katie's song here.

Stephen Jones - "Bed Wetting"

2010-06-26T16:15:00.000-06:00

Watch Stephen here.

Jefferson Snow - "Twilight"

2010-06-26T01:22:00.003-06:00

Watch Jefferson's "Twilight"

Family History

2010-06-17T13:02:00.001-06:00

Humor U is currently doing it's family history. We are going through all our old footage from the past four years and converting it to a digital format that can be edited and uploaded on the internet. We have a goal to cull through the nearly 500 hours of footage and clip out the best jokes and performances from all of it. Then we'll post them on YouTube for the world to see and enjoy. There is enough laughter and funnies in those 500 hours to cure cancer I'm pretty sure. We'll probably squeeze about 10 hours of fantastic footage out of those 500 hours. Only the best for our fans. It's our service to you. It's like the Humor U scrapbook for the world. Along the way we will discover and reveal some unfamiliar cast members to many of you. Also some moments that we can't believe we forgot. Let's all remember them together and laugh again. Subscribe to our YouTube channel to catch these nuggets as we release them: http://www.youtube.com/user/theofficialHumorU

2010-06-01T04:11:00.000-06:00

It's spring training time for Humor U. It's time to get back to drills, stretching, working out, beefing up, and practice, practice, practice. We have some promising rookies this year. Will they make it through spring training?

Ticket Info

2010-05-12T10:35:00.032-06:00

Tickets on sale now!

Show times are:
Fri Nov 12 7:30pm
Fri Nov 12 9:30pm
Sat Nov 13 7:30pm
Sat Nov 13 9:30pm

For more info on Humor U, videos, pics, and more - go here: humoru.org

This show will feature the regular Humor U cast and at least one new face.

Tickets are $5. Group discounts are available with advanced purchases: buy 8 or more tickets and get 20% off your total purchase.

To purchase tickets go to the Information Desk in the Wilkinson Center on BYU Campus, or call them at 422-4313. Tickets may be purchased over the phone and held at Will Call. There is a service charge for phone purchases. The Info Desk is located near Jamba Juice in the Wilk. Fall Info Desk hours are: M-F 8:00am -5:45pm (closed Tu from 10:45am - 12:15pm for university devotional. Closes at 4:45 on Mondays).

If the shows do not sell out in advance, tickets may also be purchased at the door of the show for the same prices (no group discounts available at door). Available tickets go on sale at the door at 6:30pm each show day. Check our twitter feed on humoru.org on the days of the show for the most current ticket sales information.

2010-05-11T16:13:00.001-06:00

Open-mic was last week and it was a big success. We had some very good performers. You'll see some of them in our next show. June 4 & 5, mark your calendars.

2010-04-28T01:26:00.001-06:00

Open-mic is May 5th. We are really excited to see the diversity of talent that is new to campus. Open-mic is one of our favorite nights because we get to relax while some of our bravest fans get to sweat a little. It isn't so easy is it? But that's what makes it so fun. I'm hoping to see some new personalities - that's always a hoot. Humor U Open-mic is better than reality TV.

Upcoming Humor U Shows

2010-04-23T05:00:00.007-06:00

Nov 12 & 13

2011
Jan 28 & 29

March 4 & 5

April 8 & 9 Best of Ever

June 3 & 4

July 29 & 30

2010-04-09T02:30:00.000-06:00

The semester is almost over and it's the weekend of our last show. Sigh. It's been a fantastic year. We have never had so many milestones or so many laughs in a year before. One of my favorite new traditions this year is the Humor U Freestyle Rap and Beat Boxing Face Offs. We have two black cast members and neither one of them is our best freestyler in the group. Who knew! I bet you're guessing who it is. Well, it's probably me. But I've never actually competed because I can't freestyle and drive at the same time and all our Face Offs seem to be in a car while I'm driving. But the proven champion so far is as white as Wonder Bread. I wish we could show you that on stage because it's the most priceless trash talk I've ever heard. You'll have to join the club to find out who it is I guess. It doesn't need to be a secret, but it's so much more fun that way.

Don't freestyle and drive - Safety first! But if you're not driving, by on means, say it brother!

2010-03-18T15:45:00.000-06:00

CLICK HERE TO BUY TICKETS!!!

or copy this link into your browser: http://www.byuarts.com/calendar/eventdescription_v2.php?eventid=464&month=4&year=2010&datecal=2010-04-09

byuarts.com

Tickets are available online now for this year's "Best of Ever" show! This will be the funniest Humor U show you've ever seen! Four years of writing and polishing jokes will result in this hilarious show.
Please post a comment on this blog entry to request your favorite jokes or songs. We want to hear from you!

March Show

2010-03-02T16:01:00.000-07:00

It's that time again. More funnies coming your way from Humor U. Tickets go on sale on March 15th.

January Show - Haiti Relief Fundraiser

2010-01-23T18:05:00.000-07:00

This show will be bomb. Laughing saves lives! Proceeds go to Haiti to help earthquake victims.

Fri at 7:30 and 9:30
Sat at 7:30 and 9:30
Varsity Theater
tickets at 422-4313

Featuring the Battle of the Bands winners, the Empirates!

Humor U Mad Libs Contest Entry Instructions

2009-11-09T00:11:00.000-07:00

Win an iPod! Mad Libs Contest entry rules and instructions are here. Good luck!

1. Complete the word list below and email it to humoru@byu.edu.
2. Include your name when you email us, and put "CONTEST" in the subject line.
3. Buy a ticket for one of our shows this weekend and come (must be present to win).
4. Tell your friends about this contest so they can enter too.
5. Listen for your completed mad lib to be read at one of the shows (it doesn't matter what show you come to).
6. If your mad lib is read as a winner, come running and screaming onto the stage after we announce your name and claim your new iPod.

Here is the word list (consult the internet if you need a grammar refresher):

[imperative verb]
[adjective]
[preposition]
[noun]
[noun].
[imperative verb]
[imperative verb]
[possessive pronoun]
[verb]
[adverb],
[second person pronoun]
[noun used as adjective]
[transitive verb]
[noun]
[plural noun]
[plural noun]
[verb]
[noun]
[noun]
[adjective].
[transitive verb]
[color]
[popular noun]
[nonsense syllable]

Good luck!

November Charity Show

2009-11-09T00:10:00.001-07:00

The start time for some of our shows has changed. Correct start times for the shows are:

Friday 8:00pm & 9:30pm
Saturday 8:00pm

The times printed on the tickets are correct.

October Show

2009-10-13T15:07:00.000-06:00

Tickets are on sale now for five shows this weekend. Pete will wear a costume. Someone will dance. And someone will pee their pants. It always happens, but no one talks about it. Only here on the blogosphere can we mention things like that.

"Best of Spring/Summer" Show

2009-08-31T16:43:00.000-06:00

It's what you've been missing all summer.

Summer Show

2009-07-23T23:43:00.000-06:00

All four shows will be in the Measer Building

EFY Themes and 80s Pop Songs

2009-06-28T09:50:00.000-06:00

Every year throughout the summer the LDS church organizes weeklong conferences for kids between the ages of 14 and 18. These conferences are called "Especially for Youth" (or "EFY" for short) and are held on college campuses throughout the country, including BYU.

The organizers of EFY choose a new theme each year that the activities and speakers will focus on. These themes range from the profound ("Treasure the Truth") to the downright strange ("Lovin' Life"). I've noticed that many of the themes sound strangely similar to popular songs from the 1980s.

Below is a partial list of EFY themes including the year they were used and an 80s song that I think is interchangeable with that particular theme. The links go to youtube videos in case you are unfamiliar with the songs.

1982 The Time Has Come = "The Final Countdown" by Europe
1983 Ascending Together = "Up Where We Belong"by Jennifer Warnes and Joe Cocker
1987 Sailin' Home = "Sailing" by Christopher Cross
1989 Forever, My Friend = "Together Forever" by Rick Astley
1991 Walk With Me = "Walk Like an Egyptian" by the Bangles
1992 Of One Heart = "Listen to Your Heart" by Roxette
2001 Remember the Promise = "The Promise" by When In Rome
2002 We Believe = "We Belong" by Pat Benetar
2003 Look and Live = "The Look of Love" by ABC
2004 Stand in the Light = "Stand" by R.E.M.
2005 A More Excellent Way = "Walk This Way" by Aerosmith f. Run DMC
2006 The Greatest Gift = "The Greatest Love of All" by Whitney Houston
2007 Power in Purity = "Like a Virgin" by Madonna
2008 Steady and Sure = "Like a Rock" by Bob Seger
2009 Be Thou and Example = "Somebody's Watching Me" by Rockwell

--Matt Stringham

Are you excited?

2009-06-20T02:08:00.000-06:00

The new 2009-2010 show schedule is coming! The dates have been selected, the requests have been red stamped, and the venues have been scheduled. The schedule will be posted by August. We don't want to give too much away this early, we still have our Summer Show to be excited about. July 31st and August 1st in the Maeser Auditorium.

How to kill @ an open mic

2009-06-17T11:56:00.000-06:00

As one of the newest members of Humor U I thought I'd take a break from studying for finals and drop some knowledge on how to kill @ an open mic. FYI "to kill" is comedy slang meaning to do well, and have the crowd laughing. Humor U does not condone violence.

I'm one of the few members of the club who had to auditon in an open mic. Due to the increasing popularity of the club, open mics are now the method used to become a member. Here are some of the things that brought me success.

1. Try out your material before getting on stage.

I feel like I have a pretty good feel for what is going to be funny, but I would never get on stage in front of a large audience without running my jokes by some friends first. No, your parents, 4 year old sibling, and significant other don't count, they will laugh at everything you say. At the last open mic it was clear that some comedians had not done this.

2. Break out of the BYU cliches

Whenever I hear someone start a joke with; "One time I had this craaaaaaazy companion," or "What's the deal with church/sacrament meeting/something Mormon," they tend to lose my interest. Of course you have to know your audience, and at times I have told jokes on these topics. But you have to consider that if you are telling a joke about one of these topics there is a good chance some variation of it has been done before, so it'd better be unique and very funny.

Even when I'm telling jokes about things on campus, I form them in a way that I could potentially replace a few words and tell them to a non-BYU audience.

3. Watch some stand-up or read about how to write jokes

This point can best be explained with a TRUE story. The other day I was at a party, and some guy came up to me and said that he wants to try out for Humor U. I asked him if I could hear some of his stuff. He proceeded to tell me a joke that included his life story, various mathematical equations, and a commentary on some political issue, then he ended with a corny and irrelevant punch line like; "that's why you should never put a fork in an electrical outlet kids!"

I'm no expert, in fact I'm pretty new to stand up, but a joke should have a short set up and then a punch line that actually has something to do with the topic. Watch some stuff on youtube and practice your delivery before an open mic.

I'll end with a little on how my experience went. There were around 20 comics who auditioned. I did my 3 minute set, and it killed. A few of my friends were there, and one of them told me that as he was leaving he overheard people saying; "Man, that black dude was hilarious! He could really tell jokes!" I was the only black dude who tried out, so I assume it was me they were talking about, haha. I don't want to come across as prideful, because frankly I'm pretty new at all this. But if you do all of the above you will probably do well. The next open mic is September 16th. Good luck!

-Lam Guluka

Spring Shows

2009-05-21T11:17:00.000-06:00

June 5th and 6th in the Nelke Theater. Be there. Friday 8:00 and 9:30pm. Saturday 8:00pm. Tickets: $4 at the Wilk Info Desk, $5 at the door. Come see our new performers, and your old favorites too. Don't miss Jefferson Snow's new song.

Preliminary evidence consistent with possible health benefits of Humor U shows

2009-04-06T12:39:00.001-06:00

I don't toot my own horn much, but I think this week's show (Saturday 11 April 7:30 and 9:00 pm Pardoe Theater) is the perfect opportunity for people to either start attending or continue to attend Humor U shows.

Sometimes we exaggerate things to get a reaction (case in point: working title of this post was "Humor U show to cure all ills"), but when we say "Best of Ever," we mean it. I challenge anyone to scour all of recorded history to find jokes that I've written that form a funnier set than the jokes I'll tell that night. If you think you've found a set of my jokes that might be funnier than what I'll tell, please email them to me ASAP (I've been wrong before. . .)

I know if you read this, you probably already know about the show (or you're a web-crawling robot, in which case I guess you probably also already know about the show (depending where you've crawled)), but if you don't know about the show, well I mean, you do know because I've been talking about it for 3 paragraphs. If you don't understand, maybe you should re-read those paragraphs before moving on.

In conclusion, go to the show that you know about.

Big Giant "Best of Ever" Show this Saturday

2009-04-05T23:45:00.000-06:00

In case you haven't heard. This weekend will be the biggest Humor U show ever ever ever. It's so big we had to cut the sides off of it in order to fit it through the door. Some Humor U performers will be graduating, so this will be the last time to see them with the club. Sad day. But that just means that we will have even more fun at this show. Stephen Jones will MC so there will be plenty of craziness. We are trying to figure out a way to get him to fly in from the ceiling while smoke rises from the ground and lasers sweep across the stage. But we're kind of on a fixed budget, so maybe he'll just dance. The show is Sat 4/11 at 7:30 and 9:00pm in the Pardoe Theater. Tickets are $3 at the Info Desk and $4 at the door.

Jasper Martin - Biography

2009-03-16T02:03:00.001-06:00

Jasper Martin in Greek mythology is the king of the gods, the ruler of Mount Olympus and the god of the sky and thunder. His symbols are the thunderbolt, eagle, bull, and oak. In addition to his Indo-European inheritance, the classical "cloud-gatherer" also derives certain iconographic traits from the cultures of the ancient Near East, such as the scepter. Jasper is frequently depicted by Greek artists in one of two poses: standing, striding forward, with a thunderbolt leveled in his raised right hand, or seated in majesty.

Jasper was the child of Cronus and Rhea, and the youngest of his siblings. In most traditions he was married to Hera. He was the father of many godly and heroic offspring, including Athena, Apollo and Artemis, Hermes, Persephone, Dionysus, Perseus, Heracles, Helen, Minos, and the Muses.

Peter Kern - Biography

2009-03-14T16:53:00.000-06:00

Peter Kern was born the day after Thanksgiving in suburban Massachussetts. He spent his childhood country-hopping through Europe before finally settling down with his family in Sandy, UT. Even though this is supposed to be a humorous biography that part is true. Six years in Belgium, one year in France, and two years in Germany. Adjusting to life in the States wasn't easy for Peter because in Europe, it is okay to kiss boys. Not like, on the lips or anything, but even so, that certainly didn't fly in Utah. I mean, talk about an uncultured bunch, its a sign of affection and friendship you homophobes! After overcoming the initial culture shock, Peter set himself to climbing the social ladder, one rung at a time. It took 6 long hard years but by ninth grade, he was on top of the world. Churchill Jr. High hasn't been the same since.

Peter enrolled in a local high school where he strove to forge out an identity. He started a dodge ball league with some associates that received media attention and caused quite a controversy among the bureaucratic, pencil pushing, straight-nosed suits at Jordan School District. He was school mascot (The Bengal) for several games until his unique performance style caused quite a controversy among the bureaucratic, pencil pushing, straight-nosed suits at Jordan School District. He was suspended once for kicking his high school librarian and yea, you guessed it, it caused quite a controversy among the bureaucratic, pencil pushing, straight-nosed suits at Jordan School District. He was elected "Most Ahead of his Time" by himself but was outbid at the charity fund raising auction when bidding on a page in the yearbook and so no one else was ever aware of that. His popularity reached a peak two weeks before graduation when he was featured on the 5 O'clock channel 5 news about his upcoming performance on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, and later when he actually was featured on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, where he was the first person ever to compete on the recurring segment "Does This Impress Ed Asner?" Despite a controversy in the editing room, he is pretty sure Ed Asner was impressed with his signature double recorder playing. Upon returning, people who had once scorned and spurned Peter, mourned bitterly, as almost everyone pretended like they had some claim at being his friend.

At BYU Peter's career was no less distinguished. He won the highly prestigious Mr. DT competittion his freshman year and after a two year religion related hiatus in Montreal where he learned French and Spanish, was first runner up in the first ever Mr. BYU competition. He has walked to the State Capitol from Sandy in protest, has gone a week eating nothing but bananas, attempted to spend 24 hours in an elevator in protest of Deseret Tower's unfair treatment of blow-up castle users, which predictably caused quite a controversy among the bureaucratic, pencil pushing, straight-nosed suits in the Deseret Towers (you know who you are Jay Brown!). He was a paper-boy for 7 years, spent a summer working at Camp Tracy, another laying sod, another painting houses and working at Cold Stone Creamery, another telemarketing for CMS, another as a receptionist at Great Clips, he had a stint as a bagger/courtesy clerk at Dan's Foods, and was once a food server in the Morris Center. He is currently living off campus, studying French and Spanish as an undergraduate and working in the Math Department. He is the Math Club President, one of the newest members of HumorU and recently tied for first place in the very unprestigious Superbowl of Comedy.

Even though this is supposed to be a humorous biography, all of this has been true.

Devan Butler - Biography

2009-03-14T02:00:00.000-06:00

My favorite part of doing stand-up besides the political reasons, is making people laugh at things that I think are funny. My favorite show moment was the first Winter '09 show when people had hand stand fights to win a T-shirt - it was awesome. I actually think of most of my jokes in the shower which is why I hope I never go to prison. I am a Media Arts major which I love to death... well almost. I recently broke my skull playing intramural basketball, which doesn't happen too much. I think hugs are great and have been told that I am a fantastic hugger, so if you see me and need a hug I am willing. My middle name is Lavar like that guy from Reading Rainbow, always wanted to be on that show but no one took my word for it. I love to travel, last summer I spent a month in Thailand and this summer I plan on back packing all the way from Panama to Torreon Mexico. Stand-up is just incredible, I am constantly amazed at the geniuses in Humor U and am proud to be a part of such a charitable organization.

Stephen Jones - Biography

2009-03-12T23:22:00.000-06:00

Stephen is chocolate, but he likes vanilla.

James Archibald - Biography

2009-03-12T01:29:00.000-06:00

James was born in Provo, UT. He has lived in Indiana, Florida, Texas, Pennsylvania, Mexico and Israel. His life has now come nearly full circle since he currently resides in Provo, UT. He hopes to die in the infant ward of the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center so that the circle can be truly complete.

When James was still young, he found out that he was illiterate. "I worked really hard to overcome that; I hope that in a small way I can inspire some illiterate youngsters not to allow society to define them by their illiteracy" he says. "If there is one thing I want illiterate children to get out of this bio, it's that they shouldn't be discouraged, despite not being able to read these words, or even find them."

He found out he was funny when he wet his pants in kindergarten. "My classmates just couldn't stop laughing and I knew that I liked to make people laugh." After several years of service as his signature bit, James retired the pants-wetting gag. James says "I still try to write stuff that's funny on that level."

He keeps a blog. The most recent post is rapidly gaining historical interest. He joined Humor U after one of the comedians suggested that he repackage some of his blog ideas and deliver them as jokes. Upon hearing these jokes, the other comedians suggested that James not get discouraged and that he read a book about how to be a stand-up comedian.

James usually doesn't tell people how good at school he is, but just to give you an idea:

[rambly] This one time, he was doing homework and he was doing so well that he thought he would show it to this dog. The dog was so impressed with how well James had done his homework that he wanted to eat the homework.

James was like "no way,"
but the dog was like "I want to eat it so badly"
and James is like "just a little bit might be ok"

and then the dog was like "munch munch munch. . .this homework is delicious!"
and James was like "oh no, now I have nothing to turn in and only this dog and I know how good this homework was"
and then James asked the dog if he would vouch for him and the dog was like "bark bark bark."

You just can't trust dogs like you used to.

Lucas Simplicio - Biography

2009-03-10T22:36:00.000-06:00

Born in the jungles of Brazil, Lucas had to fight to survive. At a young age he learned how to kill alligators with his bare hands. Lucas' jungle upbringing gave him abilities above and beyond those of ordinary humans. These abilities include climbing, clinging, and leaping as well as any great ape, as well as walking on all fours exceptionally well, despite his human frame. His senses are enhanced; he is able to smell food or poachers at least two thirds of a mile away, and hear approaching stampedes from two. He can read body language exceptionally well. He is an excellent judge of character. His strength, speed, agility, reflexes, balance, flexibility, reaction time, and swimming abilities are much better than normal. He has wrestled full grown bull apes and gorillas, rhinos, crocodiles, anacondas, sharks, big cats and even dinosaurs.

In his real life Lucas enjoys playing soccer, tennis and Volleyball. Living in the US now for 6 years he has developed a love for the game of American Football, his favorite team is the New England Patriots.
He also likes to watch movies and TV. His favorite TV shows are CSI, Las Vegas, 24, The Hills, Bromance, I Love Money, Brett Michals Rock of Love. His favorite place to be is the beach, he loves it and that is what he misses the most living out here in Utah. He likes to surf when he is at the beach and off course he loves to stare at the women too.

Lucas had a two year vocation in Boston, Massachusetts where he learned how to speak Spanish. Portuguese is his first language and he learned english at age 15 when he was a foreign exchange student at Timpanogos High School. His comedy influences are in the US Bill Engval, Brian Regan, Jeff Foxworthy, Carlos Mencia, and James Litllejohn. In Brazil his dad, Danilo Gentilli, Fabio Rabin, Vesgo e Silvio e Seu Lunga.

I hope you enjoy this wonderful, charismatic and goofy Brazilian from Recife.

Brent Taylor - Biography

2009-03-09T23:33:00.001-06:00

Upon arriving home from his mission, Jefferson Snow thought he should take up yet another talent he hoped would provide more validation and social success than his previous pursuits. In middle school it was art which he hoped would win the hearts of his classmates. But little did he know that monsters and dragons weren't as cool as they had been in elementary school. But he loved drawing them anyway and kept on until high school. There he learned to play the guitar and write songs. But no matter how much he sang about girls, his whining never brought him any. Nevertheless, he kept on rocking. His music, never really went anywhere in college. No local venues would listen to his demos or host his musical projects. So, persuaded by a childhood friend and desperate for an audience for his creative outlets, he decided to try his hand at stand-up and voila, a new talent was discovered. His first show was in April 2007 where he made a good first impression with the audience. Feeling good about his potential in the medium, he continued writing and secured a spot as a continuing performer in the club. No social doors have swung open to him as a result of Humor U, no girls have come knocking, no deals for fame and fortune have been offered but Jefferson will once again keep going, keep writing, striving to make every show as funny as he can, all while knowing he may never receive anything in return.

Jeffrey Schroeder - Biography

2009-03-05T00:26:00.000-07:00

While shark spear-hunting with a few Inuit friends, I stumbled on a few truths that I found funny. Somehow my Inuit friends did not share my merriment, so I packed my things and came to Provo. While here I found many other people who did not share my merriment (old folks homes are rough crowds), until I at last found Humor U. Humor U is full of other people with weird ideas about everything from world issues to the lint in their belly buttons. I knew when I attended my first show on a date that I had found a place where I could be welcome.

I infiltrated the club by means of a grassroots subversive movement that ended up with the death of several key comedians and my emerging as Humor U President for a year. At the end of that year I was poisoned by degrees and my doctor said that if I continued I would likely not see the end of 2008.

I am now a friend to the club bordering on comedian. While I graduate in 2009, expect a few more Inuit jokes before it's all over.

James Littlejohn - Biography

2009-03-03T03:24:00.000-07:00

James Littlejohn started in comedy at the age of seven, when he was hired to write puns for America's Funniest Home Videos. He quickly grew disenchanted and left after a feud with the producers over artistic differences. Out of comedy, he become head bouncer at Chuck E. Cheese and flirted with gang life.

"They were difficult years," Littlejohn recalls. "In hindsight, they were actually the best years though. I'm pretty sure I think I remember learning a lot about myself."

At BYU, Littlejohn joined Humor U, nearly driving it into the ground multiple times.

"I felt the club should completely focus on jokes about diseases," he says. "I was wrong. The profanity and drug abuse didn't help either. But we bounced back -- that's what we do. That's what we've always done."

Littlejohn is still a bouncer -- a bouncer-backer.

or

James Littlejohn's Bio 100

I started as a one-celled zygote. As predetermined by my genetic composition, I then turned into a fish-like embryo. For a short period in the womb I even had gills. Nutrified, I developed into a fetus and eventually busted out into the real world. I have the normal number of chromosomes, but an extra leg. I could have it removed, but it has become my comfort limb. From 2 until 10, my bones grew and so did my hair; then I hit adolescence and they really started to grow.

Christopher Johnson - Biography

2009-03-02T13:34:00.001-07:00

Christopher was inspired to write comedy in junior high after watching a fellow student slice off his own finger in wood shop class. He spends most of his time trying to determine which species of tree is plotting world domination.

Christopher also has freakish interest in leather work, the musical recorder, and French cheeses. He has mild interest in hot sauce. He recently purchased his weight in IBM-logo flip-flops.

If Christopher had three wishes from a genii, then he would wish for being "ethnic." After that he would announce retirement from wish-making. After a two-month hiatus Christopher would return, signing a 12-month contract with the New York Jets, after which he would fail to lead the Jets to the playoffs three years in a row.

Nathan Tate - Biography

2009-02-28T18:09:00.000-07:00

Nate Tate was one of the VERY few people to be in attendance at the very first Humor U club meeting and perform at the very first Humor U show. Someday he'll speak at firesides and talk about how he remembers how it all started. Elder Tate is currently serving a mission in Argentina. He is very excited to return in glory to BYU and start dating all his Humor U groupies who are so anxious for him to reach RM status.

Tanner Kay - Biography

2009-02-27T19:30:00.000-07:00

Tanner Kay is probably somebody's favorite comedian, but we haven't figured out who yet because they won't admit to it. He told his first joke in Primary as a Sunbeam. It made the kid next to him laugh, and began over a decade of getting kicked out of Primary and Sunday school. While many people are amused by Tanner's humor, he's usually the only one laughing at his own jokes. On an occassion, Tanner laughed so hard at his own joke that he shot a pea AND a carrot out of his nose. Needless to say his doctor does not approve of his participation in this club.

But don't be fooled by his funny moments, Tanner has a super grumpy alter ego that he developed in college named Church Boy - probably a backlash from his irreverent youth. Church Boy doesn't tolerate laughing, smiling, or anything fun. If you like to pass notes in Sunday School - watch out! Church Boy will burn you with his laser beam look of scorn. This is probably why he isn't married.

One really hot August day on a roadtrip through southern Utah Tanner dreamed up a crazy idea to start a stand-up comedy club at BYU. He was obviously suffering from heat stroke and severe dehydration. But an amazing thing happened, and out of nothing more than boredom, southern Utah heat, and too much free time - Humor U was born.

If you get low like Flo-Rida. . .

2009-02-21T16:01:00.000-07:00

Jasper told a joke and I now complete it 25 different ways:

I am going to celebrate good times like Kool and the Gang.

I am going to live and let die like Paul McCartney.

I am going to dislike your girlfriend like Avril Lavigne.

I am going to refuse to attend rehab like Amy Winehouse.

I am going to [inaudible] like Jimmy Eat World.

I am going to crave your body like the guy who sings James Littlejohn's signature intro music.

I am going to clean the house, and shop at the store so I won’t have to work until Monday like abnormally conscientious primary children.

I am going to [inaudible, but with subtitles] like Weird Al doing a parody of Nirvana.

I am going to make a joke about BYU students getting engaged after a brief courtship like Divine Comedy.

i am going to stop using capitalization like e. e. cummings.

I am going to brush my clothes, shine my shoes, trim my nails, and shampoo my hair so I can be ready for Sunday like primary children who subscribe to an ultra-orthodox, near-Pharisaical view of appropriate Sabbath activities.

I am going to assault you with technically impressive riffs in bizarre time signatures that are impenetrable, esoteric and exhausting like Dream Theater.

I am going to make another joke about BYU students getting engaged after a brief courtship like Divine Comedy.

I am going to learn more and more about responsibility and let you put the blame on me like Akon even though I should note that actually the blame should be on you, the management of club Zen, the father of that young girl, Verizon wireless, . . .

I am going to crack a joke about emo like everyone who doesn't like emo.

I am going to mourn the loss of my dog like country musicians in that other joke Jasper tells.

I am going to make music that is historically significant but impossible to enjoy like Schoenberg.

Within a day or two I'm gonna track you down and pull a [censored] [censored]. Ain't no place you [censored] can hide. . . like MJG.

I am going to have romantic feelings for a person like. . .c'mon you know the song?

I am going to refer to Divine Comedy one more time because I am envious of their name recognition and the overall strength of their brand like Humor U.

i m going 2 stop using standard english like all modern, young americans.

I am going to suggest that light is quantized, explain the photo-electric effect, develop special and general relativity, propose experiments to verify these theories, explain Brownian motion, invent widely-accepted notations, make major contributions to quantum statistical mechanics, become an effective advocate of various causes and become a world-renowned celebrity-scientist whose name is synonymous with brilliance like Einstein.

Too Many Resolutioners

2009-02-16T15:22:00.000-07:00

So I went to the gym the first week after the holiday break, there was a sea of people - most of them there for the same reason as me, because of a new years resolution. Who am I kidding? I'm not going to be here in March. I got on the treadmill and it scrolled a message to me, "You weren't here in December. The guy waiting behind you was. Get off." I guess the gym figured out that the other resolutioners and I are only gonna be here for a month to inconvenience everyone else. I'm kind of glad, now I don't have to come up with an excuse in March.

Humor U is cool

2009-02-12T23:57:00.000-07:00

I love Humor U. I feel like it is a real club, like the way a club should be. Where all the members know, respect and love each other, you enjoy doing things together, and you look forward to getting together on Wednesdays to comedy jam. Last weekend was a blast. I hope we keep doing things that way, even though I got a ticket that I am hoping Humor U will pay for. Thanks to everyone who came out to support and to all my brothers getting on the mic, you rock! I love you all.

Tickets for Tonight

2009-02-07T16:57:00.000-07:00

Lots of people are asking. So here is the deal. There are 50 tickets left for the 9:30 show and they will go on sale in front of the Varsity Theater at 7:00pm tonight. So come early to get a ticket and then come back later for the 9:30 show. We don't know how fast they will sell out, but they will.

Governorship of California---So Easy, Even a Barbarian Can Do it

2009-02-07T13:46:00.000-07:00

4th Show Added - Sat at 9:30 in the Varsity

2009-02-05T10:03:00.000-07:00

So many people wanted to come we had to add a 4th show. All our comedians will be extra sexy in the 4th show - it's Saturday night! Tickets are available now at the Info Desk.

Feb 6th and 7th

2009-01-23T15:26:00.000-07:00

More regular than a grandma on Metamucil - right on schedule Humor U puts out another high fiber show:

8:00 and 9:30 in the MSRB on Friday
8:00 in the VARTH on Saturday

Don't miss James Archibald's amazing feat of telling 30 one liners in a row while handcuffed and suspended upside down underwater.

"We are so vogue" - Brent Taylor

My 2nd missed Humor U rehearsal

2009-01-14T22:28:00.000-07:00

I missed Humor U rehearsal tonight. Last week it was due to a work meeting. This week it was due to homework, and then I realized that I have joined the ranks of the other Humor U alumni--I no longer "miss" rehearsals, I simply don't go anymore. Not that I don't miss being there, I'm just saying no one expects people who don't go to rehearsals to go.

Anyway, for those alumni we have out there, let us close our eyes just for a moment Wednesdays at 8pm and exude comedy thoughts out towards Provo in that little Maeser room.

Viva la Humor U.

Bail Me Out

2009-01-12T14:36:00.000-07:00

I have problems. One of which is that my car is American, or actually that is isn't. Last week my girlfriend, who happens to speak French, informed me that Mazdas are foreign cars; in fact, they are Asian. This doesn't just explain the leg-room, it hurts my patriotism. You see, I buy American. I plow in a John Deere, eat breakfast at Taco Bell and prefer Freedom Waffles to the Belgian version.

I hear the Auto Industry is about to collapse, which will have far-reaching consequences including a decline in home attendance at Detroit Red Wings games. I'm as much to blame as anyone -- I should have seen through the Mazda dealer's deceptive dealership placement (in America) and realized it wasn't an American machine. My tax money should help and so should yours.

Let me get something straight, I don't support this simply because I don't pay taxes -- I support this because I believe in poorly managed American business. I am involved in a number of them myself.

For example, we should give more attention to struggling pyramid schemes. As the unemployment rate has risen, the pyramids have flattened. I'm bleeding, and the revolutionary hand-sanitizer I can provide associates at wholesale prices can't help because, as the instructions state, it should never be used on open-wounds. I'm in a freaking money pit, and it's not my fault -- the product is great, the price is great, and the sales tactics are ethical. The Asian and European pyramid schemes are simply out-performing my own. Even I admit that they may be better; it's that simple. Egyptians -of all people- have cornered the pyramid market, successfully dominated the miracle-juice segment with "Nile-Magic." It's a very fine product. And now I need a miracle to stay afloat to sell my juice and sanitizer stuff. Frankly, the only reliable miracle source I can find is that "Nile-Magic" so I keep buying it -- but it isn't helping me compete.

I'd like to be reimbursed. How can I be expected to compete with other products when they are better than my own?

Bail Me Out. Only then, can I start to bail out America.

If You Cry About Letters, Never Watch Sesame Street

2009-01-10T02:47:00.000-07:00

I know I can be a little bit abrasive sometimes, but I don't really feel bad for making a girl at the copy center cry the other day. She confronted me while I was printing fliers for a show. She was upset about the use of the letter "U" in our club name. She made a point of telling me in an "I know with every fiber of my being" kind of tone, that she had a lot of school spirit, and so she would NEVER use the letter "U" in the name of anything. She must have been a freshman because she obviously hasn't learned to spell BY"U" yet. She informed me that the University of Utah has a "U" in it's name, therefore BYU must avoid all use of the letter "U" in order to prevent being identified as a Ute lover and an apostate. Wow! This girl needs more homework if she has enough time to worry about stuff like this, and also to help her learn to spell acronyms like BYU.

In case you aren't familiar with what a double entendre is - "Humor U" is an example. The "U" has two meanings. First, you, as in "humor you". Second, university, as in "humor university".

Finals and Atom

2008-12-17T22:01:00.000-07:00

You know, at a time like this, when BYU is 3 days into our 5 finals days, and one has yet to complete any finals, it make sense to wonder what is going on with the Humor U blog.

While trying to figure out the percent return of a muni fund (which is Federal tax-free, but not State tax-free) after the applicable taxes, I thought, "You know, what I really need is a way to see when people are making new posts--that way I don't have to go check it all the time." After some searching, I found the answer, tucked away at the bottom of this very blog page. It looks like this: "Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)".

This is exactly what I needed. Now I don't have to go wondering what is going on with the Humor U blog anymore, checking it repeatedly 5 times a day, because now I get to enjoy the security of knowing that I will be receiving an RSS email in my Outlook inbox the second a new post is made. I can finish my finals without having to wonder.

I don't know who Atom is, but you've got to hand it to that guy...he provides a great service to those who blog. Thanks!

Sarah Gave The World "The Bird"

2008-11-21T21:42:00.001-07:00

Forget the turkey - pardon Gov. Palin. Her turkey farm interview this week is one of the most brilliant PR stunts I have ever seen. I can't speak for her intentions, but I love to guess. She does an interview that lasts several minutes long a few feet away from a man who is slaughtering turkeys. The shock and outrage that such a scene would cause the rest of the world was undoubtedly on her mind. After all the heat she got from everyone during the election, she is symbolically telling the world to "buzz-off". Her ironically symbolic message to her critics was so brilliantly crafted that I nearly cried after laughing for minutes. I think she let the interview go longer because she was having so much fun knowing that the scene behind her was going to be on national TV. This was a clear message to her critics of how much attention she pays to them, and just how concerned she will be when the tides turn on them. Happy Thanksgiving!

What is that supposed to mean?

2008-11-20T17:20:00.000-07:00

I saw this commercial for SelectQuote life insurance. At about 0:25 it says this:

Then, out of the blue, a brother-in-law died. No life insurance. Ned got the message, but didn't know where to start.

Got the message? Got the message? Who sends a message by killing someone's brother-in-law just because he didn't have "life insurance" ? "Out of the blue"--pah! how convenient! Nothing suspicious about that! Though I generally try to avoid provoking the ire of professional extortioners, I feel obligated to point out that this seems a lot like the tactics and vocabulary of the Gambino crime family.

Merry Christmas Fred!

2008-11-20T13:34:00.000-07:00

On of my co-workers in my office is adamantly opposed to celebrating Christmas before Thanksgiving is over - not just over, but dead and forgotten. He gets red in the face any time he hears someone mention Christmas or sees anything that looks like Christmas - I haven't pointed out to him that red is a Christmas color and perhaps he shouldn't get so upset because someone might be reminded of Christmas by looking at his face. So for the last week I've done as much as I can to spread Christmas cheer in the office. The secretaries helped by getting our tree and up early. I hope is won't be upset to see the Advent Chain above my desk that counts down the "Days till Fred will let us celebrate Christmas..." I don't think he'll mind. I plan to offer him some of my candy apply this afternoon - an early Christmas gift that I got from a customer today. I think he'll like it.

Guns, Ammunition and Christmas

2008-11-19T13:02:00.000-07:00

Because Christmas is in a few weeks, I'd like to share my feelings about gun control. You see, Christmas at my house doesn't begin until the clay pigeons come out. A lot of people dislike guns because they kill people. But so do bullets folks. If you want to legislate guns, you have to start legislating homicide, and that's a slippery slope my friends -- a slippery slope indeed.

As for me, the debate starts where America started: on the frontier. I have some very close relatives, who on their own conscience, have decided to shun the commercials trappings of civility and live in the mountains. They eat meat. They don't kill for sport, but don't think for one second they couldn't. (As a side note: they hunt best a little buzzed, they're like the Joe Cockers of hunting). Anyway, last week one of my relatives who lives in the frontier with nothing to his name except a modified lean-two made from pine needles and the flannel on his back sent me a very interesting text. This text shared his frustration with the constant harassment from "rangers" for his gun permits.

This man can barely read the second amendment, and here he is supposed to know about licenses. He got fined for shooting a bear and finishing the job with a bayonet because he lacked the proper documentation! Unbelievable.

Gun control is making America safer, for the bears who want to kill us all. This is bad form.

I know what you are thinking: what can I do to make a difference? I suggest showing your support for my family this holiday season by supporting your own families, giving them semi-automatics -- the perfect stocking stuffer. And may we all be safe with our guns. They are plenty of psychos out there.

I'm getting engaged

2008-11-15T22:08:00.000-07:00

Yo!!!!! As I have mentioned before to you guys, I'm getting engaged and I was wondering if you guys have any ideas on cool and creative ways of popping out the question?

Have you seen me?

2008-11-06T14:43:00.001-07:00

James Littlejohn, beloved comedian and member of Humor U, went missing on 12/7/08. If you have any knowledge of his whereabouts, please contact us at HumorU@byu.edu. At left is our most recent photo of James. Please help us to bring him safely home to his family and cat.

Nobody reads blogs.

2008-11-05T23:53:00.000-07:00

Finally! A place to write all my thoughts that I secretly want people to know, but I'm too embarrassed to actually say directly to them. Isn't the internet wonderful! A place to permanently record all the banal thoughts I ever care to type. I'm certain the world will be a better place - and that I'll end up spending less money on my therapist.

Humor U Weblog

2008-11-05T19:45:00.001-07:00

Message to all readers of this weblog: we blog. That's right. Humor U has started a blog. Though I cannot confidently predict all the content that will eventually be on this blog nor every purpose that it could serve, I sincerely hope that the blog lives up to its mission of providing a Humor U brand web experience to our clients and associates consistent with our long-term strategy and values by systematically integrating the the default blogger template with the collaborative capabilities and vision of Web 2.0 technologies, thereby increasing shareholder value and brand recognition via innovative, paradigm-shift-promoting jargon.

Barack Obama elected president, Humor U projects

1970-01-01T19:24:00.000-07:00

Humor U is the first organization to project that Barack Obama will become the 44th president of the United States. Our data indicates he will likely receive 349 electoral votes with Missouri and North Carolina still too close to call.